Yes, the title of this post is provocative. It is intended to be provocative, but also reflects what many parents feel. Now, "should" parents feel this way is irrelevant; it accurately reflects what "is" in many situations. This post (first of a series) is going to take the first step to try to demystify why this happens, and with that demystification, try to work on ways this feeling can be reduced if not eliminated.
I actually purchased Time magazine this week because of the cover article, "What Teachers Hate About Parents." There certainly are plenty of reasons for teachers to hate some parents; I can't argue that. There are plenty of teacher blogs out there that relate sad, sad experiences about unruly students. Substitute teachers have it even worse. However, the bulk of the article was about "pushy" parents and how teachers have a difficult time dealing with them. Well, through a series of vignettes, I hope to give mature parents some clear ways to help their own kids, how to spot the "teacher's style" to smooth over potential bumps, and, finally, in future posts, relate how and why it is so difficult to change the system to help all kids.
School Style Scenario: The Music Teacher
A parent has to take her 5th grade child out of school for a week. She contacts the teachers, has an in-person meeting with the "team" that teaches math, language arts, social studies, and science. The teachers say for her particular student this won't cause a hardship. They give extra homework for the trip, etc. Four weeks after the parent returns from the trip, she receives a form letter in the mail that in essence says:
Dear Parent,
Your child is in danger of failing music. Please contact me right away to discuss.
The Music Teacher
This particular parent knows that her child takes piano lessons, voice lessons, is a top performer in drums in band, has performed in multiple musicals, and can run rings around other children in her music class.
Obviously, communication broke down. Obviously, the parent didn't include the music teacher in the initial discussions with the teacher. But, what else is going on here? How can you "see" underneath the situation so parents can better deal with what is going on.
First, some background. I will be using the Adizes Methodology of Management Styles by Dr. Adizes to help explain what is happening in the background of my first scenario: The Music Teacher.
There are four styles that people display in their behavior (you can also think of them as Myers-Briggs type styles, but these are much more practical) Producer, Administrator, Entrepreneur, and the Integrator.
The Producer (P)
The Producer has the drive and discipline necessary to see real results produced. Goal-oriented, impatient, active, and always busy, the Producer has little time for idle chitchat. Producers are direct and to the point. Getting things done may be more important than "how" they get things done. They are often too busy to waste time with meetings. They prefer to cut the small talk. Focus is on completing goals.
The Administrator (A)
The Administrator ensures that rules are in place and followed, that plans are made and adhered to. Precise and accurate, the Administrator creates methods and procedures to make sure things are done right. Systematic, analytical and logical, Administrators clean up other people's carelessness. They like to keep the organization humming at a steady pace and are willing to do things more slowly and carefully, making certain that procedures are followed properly. Focus is on the system.
The Entrepreneur (E)
The Entrepreneur is an ideas person, always asking "why?" or "why not?" A visionary with dreams, plans and schemes, the Entrepreneur leads others to ideas that they would not pursue on their own. Success for an Entrepreneur requires both creativity and risk. They sometimes get bored with short-term tasks, and prefer developing the long-term vision. Entrepreneurs are charismatic, and often generate ideas for new projects, new approaches to problems, or even new businesses. Focus is on ideas.
The Integrator (I)
The Integrator is people-oriented. True Integrators value social harmony and thrive on peacemaking and teamwork. An organizer of social events, the Integrator's pleasantness is unmistakable. Amiable and empathetic, the Integrator is the first to cooperate in helping with tasks or problems. Integrators make the workplace feel friendly. They prefer to work by consensus, instead of taking a strong position against others. Integrators are attracted to people-oriented occupations like human resource development. (Please note that personnel administration, which usually falls under human resources is an A(dministrator) style job, not an I(ntegrator) style job. It is training or development that is I.) Focus is on people.
To simplify, corporations and institutions can also have styles. Most public schools have a heavy A or Administrative styles. This is for a variety of reasons. If you have a large number of kids and you have lots of requirements, then there must be policies and procedures in order for things to function. Process is important (but shouldn't be an end to itself). When you stretch process out to its limits, then it becomes the bedrock of zero tolerance policies in the schools, where judgment is totally sacrificed on the altar of procedure. More on that in future posts. (I won't go into the number one reason for an organization's death that is having too much A or Administration in this post, but you can read Dr. Adizes books for more on that.)
So, getting back to the Music Teacher Scenario, the parent in this case is an EI or an Entrepreneur Integrator. The parent's focus is on ideas and people. The parent receives a letter in the mail that is focused on the process or the system. What usually happens in a situation like this is fireworks. When styles clash, there is always conflict. The trick is to understand what is going on to make it constructive conflict.
In this particular scenario, an uninformed parent calls the school in an outrage and asks to speak to the principal to figure out what the heck is going on, and says things like, "my daughter is great in music, she should never fail, she could have passed without even taking the course because she gets so much music outside of class (an E or Entrepeneur response)" and "you people can't even keep things straight. I went to you and told you what was going on. How could you do this to us (an I or Integrator response)"?
An informed parent recognizes that the letter reflects the school's administration policy of written communication of potential failure (the school's A or administrative response). It may or may not even reflect the teacher's style of teaching. Yes, there was a communication breakdown, but what a parent has to recognize is that the letter isn't ironclad; it is tissue paper that can be pierced.
The way to handle this on an individual level might be the following --if the parent knew about Adizes, then the parent would recognize the "A" component and not take it personally. The parent would be able to call up the music teacher, call upon her "I", and say,
Mr. Music Teacher, I'm calling about the letter I received. I must tell you that I didn't tell my daughter about it, she would be devestated. She loves music; she takes piano, drums and voice; and failing music would just crush her. Please tell me what she needs to do in order for her to complete her assignments so she can get it done right away. If she needs to stay after school, just tell me when.
The music teacher would be able to give a date, the daughter would pass the assignments with flying colors, and the potential misunderstanding, etc. would be averted.
To fix things from a school's perspective, different policies and procedures would be needed, but this column is how you as an individual parent can navigate school waters, so to speak.
You can try to find your own style here by taking a short survey. (Full disclosure, I teach Teamwork Plus at ManagementVitality.)
And if you have a real-life scenario that you would like me to try to deconstruct, email me or write it in the comments section below.
